PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
