Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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