i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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