I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
