So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
