just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
