You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
