I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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