I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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