hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect