i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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