My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
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He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story