Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
