Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
