apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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