yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Four minutes until I can fart!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
