This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
