Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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