Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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