Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
