When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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