There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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