Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
