Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
