i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
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I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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