his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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