The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
