She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
