Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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