I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
