Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
