I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
