I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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