you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
