The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
