It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
