I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
