I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
