I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
