and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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