Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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