Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
