I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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