You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
