He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
