In the future we'll all be gay
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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