I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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