Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
