i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You ruined the universe
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
