turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You dont lie about slip and slides
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
