A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Found the puke drawer
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Randomize
