i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
