shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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