thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
