and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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