I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
