what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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