she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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