Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
