I wanna bring you to show and tell
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
