I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
