Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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