im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
