Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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