oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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