my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
