I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
