In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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