tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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