epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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