dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
