walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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