wakey wakey hands off snakey
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
