You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
