is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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