were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
