He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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