I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
