Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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