TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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