You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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