are you so shy because you have an std?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
