i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This house was built for laser tag.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Shame is for Republicans.
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