I want to make a zoo with you.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
