I want to stick my p in your. b.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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